On the last day of 2020, singer and songwriter Naya Ford posted a video on TikTok, asking her followers the question: "What's something that people glamorize that's actually just extremely toxic?"
At the end of the TikTok, Naya started things off with an answer of her own about people who look for a very particular quality in their potential partners: "When people say, 'I want a significant other [who] is rude and mean and not friendly to anybody.' Girl, no one's gonna cheat on you. It's okay."
The post immediately blew up. Not just Naya's fans, but folks from all walks of the platform started sharing their take on the subject.
You can follow Naya on: TikTok | Instagram | Facebook
@nayaaford What’s something that glamorized but is ✨toxic✨ #NewYearNewMiO #WordsOfWisdom #toxic #withouttellingme #fyp
♬ original sound - Naya A Ford
#1 Society And Social Media’s Obsession With Relationships
"By no means am I saying that relationships are toxic, but what I am saying is that society and social media’s obsession with relationships — yeah, that’s not healthy at all. It’s as though everyone is more focused on the cute pictures, the matching outfits, and being able to say you have someone than actually accessing and considering ~who~ you have.Daniel Sloss said it best...: It’s people out here trying to force things that shouldn’t be forced with one another because they would much rather have somebody than nothing at all. Like...there are really couples out here who don’t need to be together, should NOT be together, but they stay together because their cute couple pics go viral. And the obsession promotes the idea that being single is a flaw. It’s getting weird!"
Image credits: ebonie_qt
#2 Having Kids
"Having kids. No wait. It's not toxic in its entirety. There are aspect in it that are really toxic hear me out. Having children is glamorized and prioritize over very necessary pieces of actually raising children. People are not addressing their past traumas, they not addressing their stability, mentally, physically, financially. All of these thing are taking a back seat to an idea bringing children to this world and having a baby shower, and having a gender reveal, Both the children and parents are forced in this reality that they can't recreate their favorite TV show family. The life is very real but having children are glamorized and the kids will group with not addressed traumas and repeat the cycle."
Image credits: newjacqcity
#3 Gender Norms
"Gender norms. Blue is for boys, pink is for girls. Girls show emotion, men do not. Women are feminine, men are masculine."
Image credits: roseonthecoasthfx
#4 Diet Culture
"Diet culture and the idea that your value and morality is tied to how much you weigh."
Image credits: pumpkinspicewhitneywhite
#5 Youtube Couple Pranks
"YouTube couples who do pranks — they’re so obvious that they’re doing pranks, and they just get more and more extreme with...embarrassing each other on camera."
Image credits: chandione
#6 Rude Significant Other
"When people say, 'I want a significant other that is rude and mean and not friendly to anybody.' Girl, no one's gonna cheat on you. It's okay"
Image credits: nayaaford
#7 Being "Obsessed" With Your Significant Other
"The idea that you guys need to be obsessed with each other when you’re in a relationship...Apparently we have to text each other every day — all day long — and if we don’t text back within a reasonable amount of time, or we don’t explain why we didn’t text back, then all of a sudden that means we’re not into you anymore. If you’re not texting each other, then you’re probably on FaceTime until your phone dies or on FaceTime until you fall asleep. And some people like to be on FaceTime while they’re asleep, which is kinda weird...Basically dedicating all your time to your significant other — that’s kind of unhealthy. ‘Cause imagine you dedicated so much time and energy to a relationship that you had nothing else going on in your life. You’re gonna feel so broken if that relationship fails, because you got way too attached."
Image credits: christmasgarcia
#8 Vouching For Friends - No Matter What
"Vouching for your friends no matter what, even when they’ve done something bad. Like, if my friend cheats on their partner, and they expect me to lie for them if their partner calls me and asks where they are, I’m not lying for you and your [bad] behavior.If your partner knows me well enough to have my phone number and ask where you are, why would I want to participate in lying to them? Obviously there are worse things, but it’s a no for me."
Image credits: zwoodarts
#9 Romanticizing Heartbreak
"The way that we romanticize getting our heart broken and then forgiving and getting back together with the person who broke our heart. That dumb notion of ‘you always hurt the one you love’...If somebody cheats on you, lies to you, manipulates you, that is called emotional abuse. And there’s this media depiction that all it takes is the right grand gesture and then everything is resolved — it will never happen again, and you should forgive them. I’m not saying redemption isn’t possible because every situation is different, but that’s not romantic — that’s called work.And if I have to watch one more gosh darn movie where we sympathize with the person who did the abuse, and we look to the person who was abused asking them to forgive them to suit our romantic narrative. ... It is not glamorous, it is not romantic; it is abuse, and we need to stop idolizing it."
Image credits: jamiesoneileen
#10 The Broken Men "Can Only Be Healed" By Women Trope
"The idea that broken men can only be healed through the love and labor of a woman. This perpetuates the idea that men cannot find healing or support from anybody except for women — which means that they don’t seek it from their friends, they don’t seek therapy, they don’t have connections outside of their [female] partner to support them. This obviously puts a huge burden on women to care for men, heal them, rehabilitate them. That same energy is not given to women.Also, if you want an example, I recommend looking at almost any movie targeted to teenage girls that is about a ‘bad boy’ (the pure, loving ‘good girl’ heals the wounds of the tortured ‘bad boy’ trope)."
Image credits: somewhere_in_june
#11 Being "Blunt"
"Y'all please because imma need y'all to listen to this one real quick. One of the biggest pet peeves of mine and it comes a lot in friendships and is the reason why a lot of my friendships have ended is that people will try to pass off being a complete a-hole as them being "blunt" and my thing is I get the whole "I like to tell how it is" type of thing BUT there's a difference between telling people how it is and completely bringing everyone around you and I thing a lot of people get that mixed up. And what really bothers me is that a lot of people won't see the wrong in them doing this. And then they have the nerve to be surprised when no one wants to be around them. Like sis maybe if you didn't point out all my insecurities."
Image credits: sadglgng
#12 The Modeling Industry
"The modeling industry. I’m surprised to this day, it’s still glorified. It’s such a toxic industry, people get away with so [many] atrocious things in that industry because they have power and control over your work, your body, and so many other things that you renounced when you started your career as a model.Like, they don’t prepare you to be objectified, sexualized, and preyed on by predators. Played by people you trust, told that you’re not good enough, [and] expected to be of a standard that you will never attain. Jeopardizing your self-worth and mental health at their expense for them to make money off you. It’s such a problematic industry that we need to stop glamorizing it...
Please don’t...be something you're not and let people (who don’t care about you) dictate what you should (or shouldn’t) be in this industry. If you start out, do you."
Image credits: blondejeff
#13 Impulse Shopping
"Impulse shopping isn't a problem. It's a symptom of a deeper problem."
Image credits: deeperthanmoney
#14 "No New Friends"
"This concept of ‘no new friends’ — we gotta cut that out. You close yourself off from meeting people who could become a better friend than the one that you have. ‘Cause that friend is probably toxic."
Image credits: heygirl_itsallyson
#15 Beauty Standards
"Any beauty standard. It’s too much."
Image credits: amethystthedj
#16 Wine Culture
"Wine culture. Especially mom wine culture. "The reason mommy drinks." "Mommy juice." And look I am guilty of it too. I used to make jokes about it until I realized I actually had a problem. We're grown women. It's not cool to joke about drinking every day. It's alcoholism."
Image credits: jo0lia_goolia
#17 Mental Health Issues
"Mental health issues. Having a mental issues is not a little quirk of personality, no that's not it. And it's the same people that get upset when people don't take their mental health seriously but when you treat is as a quirk who is gonna take it seriously. Those people that literally sit their and brag about having depression, oh yeah I haven't cleaned my room in a week because I have depression, oh yeah I haven't showered in like a couple of days because I have depression. Like OKAY see therapist."
Image credits: tenealfloyd
#18 Bloggers Morning Routine
"Bloggers who have the perfect morning routines with their kids and they cut up all the little lunch into bento box with the love notes and a shaped apple with an octopus and their house is cleaned and they are dressed. The moms are dressed their hairs are brushed, they have make up. Where are you going, where are you going and then their kids are in perfect outfits and then they go out of the door like that. No, it doesn't work that way, that's toxic, it's a lie"
Image credits: nickiunplugged
#19 Disney Movies
"Snow White’s stepmother paid a hitman to kill her, and when he actually didn’t do it, then she went to go complete the job herself.Cinderella’s stepmother was so shrouded in jealousy that she and her daughters enslaved Cinderella and tormented her on a daily basis, and her only option was to get married to get away from them.
Ariel was so enamored by human beings — despite the fact that they murdered her mother — that she went to a sea witch so she could fall in love with this man that she saw"
Image credits: mickeythechav
#20 Taking People For Granted
"For me, it’s people who think that caring the least is cool and [that] it gives you an upper hand over people who care about you. That’s so toxic. If you value them and want them in your life, show up for them in your way — in the best way you can. But don’t treat people less than just because you know they care about you and they’ll be there for you. Don’t [take them for granted] because you think they’ll always be there, because one day you’ll wake up and they won’t be. And let’s care about people who care about us, and let’s show up for each other."
Image credits: chrisking0005
#21 Bisexual Women Who Hate The Person They Are Dating Because Of Their Gender
"Bisexual girls who are like "I love women, I wish I had a girlfriend, I wish I could sleep with a woman but I'm daring a stinky man". I could never imagine someone who's dating me saying something like that about me because it's awful. Okay, it's one thing to not like men, but at the same time stop using it for clout and stop bashing on the person you're dating because it might make them feel like they're not good enough. Solely because of the fact that their gender is a factor. Pro tip, if you not attracted to the person that you're daring MAYBE you should break up with them instead of making them feel terrible."
Image credits: oatsvena
#22 Brutal Honesty
"Honesty. Yeah you heard me write, I said honesty. Most people don't like brutal honesty, they like polite honesty. If it's like communication base and it's like "oh my feeling have changed, I am just feeling depressed" yeah you wanna know about it, that's the honesty you really want. But after the holidays when you come down in a dress we are going of for dinner and I tell you "uhh, that doesn't fit you. You might wanna change." That's the honesty you are not ready for. Communication yes but we don't want brutal honesty"
Image credits: brightshadow2k
#23 "Being A "Ride Or Die"
"Being a "ride or die.""
Image credits: amahlesthirdeye
#24 Trying To Change Someone
"People who think it's a goal or make it their mission to change someone. Not only is that a waste of your both their time because in my personal opinion people don't change they become what they were supposed to be. In some instances you can help somebody to help who they are or whatever but at the end of the day they did it themselves, honestly I don't think you get to take that credit. You are taking their moment of self discovery or their self-love and acting like it's your responsibility, or that you're the reason for it. Not saying that you can make somebody happy, but at the end of the day happiness with oneself must be found by oneself. They have to to realize that they're happy you can't make it happen. So to think that you can change someone, their attitude, their style, whatever you can possibly to all that but it's not gonna do as much good as you think. At the end of the day you are turning them what you want them to be instead of who they're meant to be and that's selfish."
Image credits: edwardgates_
#25 Presenting A "Perfect" Marriage
"The perfect marriage that you think you have, that you post all over social media. You’re trying to set some kind of standard that’s impossible. Marriage is hard; it’s not always fun. It takes patience and work and compromise. And if you have issues in your marriage, you’re not broken — you’re normal. Because no one in marriage is perfect."
Image credits: curvy.mama
#26 Office Culture, Office Life
"Office culture, office life. Don't know why we keep telling generation after generation that the ideal lifestyle is white collar job where you work all week through Friday in a suit and tie and it's 8 to 5 now they stole extra our of our week. And when you ask the vast majority in the office "Yeah I rather not be here, dude." It is the most depressing place with these cubicals and fluorescent lighting and frumpy office clothes that you have to wear, and the make up, and the daily commute. Constant back pain from sitting in a chair all day. The worst part hence down is the professionalism where you can't be yourself because getting to personal unprofessional and yet the only way to establish meaningful relation with other human being is to get personal and you just spend your life in the professional state of small talk "Oh yeah the Mondays huh. Can't believe this weather." It's just not good lest rethink this."
Image credits: bree_ann_uhh
#27 Self-Love
'Literally the whole self love, self growth, just working on you. Just heat me out. All those things are good, I am not saying they are bad, keep doing you, keep working. But a lot of people like to focus on the good aspect on self help, self growth, self love all that like, fitness, nutrition, reading more books, meditating, amazing they are all great. But like what triggers you, what makes you angry, why are you insecure, why uhhh. Naturally we want to see ourselves as like perfect and even if we don't see ourselves as perfect we don' wanna see ourselves as flawed. But what's the point of doing all this self development if you are gonna fall in the same cycle next time are going to relationship or whatever. Accept your own flaws and all."
Image credits: kanin.chao
#28 Korea
"Korea, like a lot of it. Before you start typing, here me out, alright? K-pop is an extremely toxic industry, and not just because of it's anti-blackness, also because of the way they treat their artists. Also what the most people consider to be "Korean" culture is actually just an assimilated white version it's what we believe will keep us safe from outright invasion because of our history. Korea is not perfect. Please stop glamorizing it."
Image credits: thegeekykoreanwitch
#29 Working Two Or Three Jobs
"Working two or three jobs just to survive and make ends meet so you don't even have time for your family."
Image credits: flogonzalez81
#30 Caffeine Abuse
"Caffeine abuse. It's super popular to caffeinate. Tea, coffee, monster, energy pills! And I am enthusiastic about all of those things. I picked up a job as a barista. I use caffeine to help manage my ADHD! Coffee and teas have a lot of flavors I like that aren't in the cultural flavor palate around here. But caffeine is not a sleep replacement. And y'all should be drinking water. It's also not a meal or meal replacement. And using is as such can be problematic! Like how many times we heard the humble brag "It's 5 pm and all I've had is an iced coffee." be aware of your caffeine consumption, and your actual motivations for consuming the amount of Caffeine that you do."
Image credits: its_wednesdai
#31 Being Emotionless
"Being emotionless. Y'all realize we have emotions there for a reason. Sometimes is gonna hurt you, but if you're hurt just say you're hurt. You're gonna get over, you're gonna be better, you're gonna see yourself improving in all areas in your life. Don't neglect your emotions just because of your pride."
Image credits: eliyoguy
#32 Well Behaved Children
"Well behaved children. Example of this The American public school system and how children are taught to be complaint to not listen to their own voices and to be quiet. Expected to sit at a desk for 6,7,8 hours a day with limited breaks, a short lunch. They do get social interaction and that's great, but they're just taught to be robots."#33 Monogamy
"Monogamy, stick with me. I know this sounds a little out of pocket. However, I feel like the normalized standard of monogamous relationships are rooted in toxicity. I feel like the normalized standard of monogamous relationships are rooted in possession, aggression and this idea of unconditional love and finding your other half which is just not healthy. We are whole individuals. We are sexual romantic beings. There are so many different types of souls ties, soul mates, relationships that you can make with other individuals and honestly I think we are the only animal species to be monogamous and to have a hetero normative agenda. However, that's a whole separate issue so yea monogamy."
Image credits: basicallybetsy
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